Hey everyone, I just have a little topic I feel like I should discuss with everyone. This having to do with friendship. This could be in real life as well, but what I am mostly focusing on is online friendships.
Now I know we all have our art/animation friends that we like to share interests with. But I am going to point out that we all have those friends that are not really “friends” to us.
This meaning, when talking to them they don’t exactly treat you the way a friend should.
Examples being; guilt tripping, bullying, ignorance, but mostly, for this topic, a little guy we call
Now what this is, is when your friend always seems to make you say or do or feel some way that benefits to their, and only their needs. They do this by using their emotions to their advantage. Saying things that make you feel really sad or bad, just for the purpose of you saying what they want to hear, or to just plain out feel bad for them.
What I mean by this, is that they would say something like:
You: “is something wrong?”
Them: “everything is wrong..always”
and use examples like:
Them: “i suck at art and everyone in the world hates me”
just so you can say:
You: “Oh no! That’s not true at all! Your art is amazing, just like you!”
Something along the lines of that
Now I understand those times when you get sad, and you feel like you suck at literally everything. And most of the time when you tell your friends something like that, you (and any normal caring human) would say something like:
Possible answer 1: “Aww, thanks. You really mean that? ;w;”
PA1: “thanks so much!! 0w0 I didn’t think anyone felt that way about it!”
Or even if you’re really upset, something like:
Possible answer 2: “ahh, idk. I don’t really think so. But thanks!!! :’)”
Something, anything along the answers of those. Even when upset, you would still be thankful for what people said about your art, or at least acknowledge that you care.
But then with the manipulators, we get an answer like:
Them: “no…it’s not. My art is terrible and deserves to burn like me.”
With hearing an answer like that coming from a friend, I know for a fact that we would all try desperately to aid them and make them feel better about themselves.
So yeah, you think that’s all. You think it stops there? Nope. You would be quite, very wrong my friend.
These are the ONLY kind of conversations that would ever happen. Convos where all you are ever doing is filling the infinite void in their ego.
They are never, ever pleased with anything you say to them. As if you are useless to them.
BUT! this isn’t the only signs of when you are being manipulated!!
Another thing they do is they constantly put you down.
An example being that whenever you talk to them, even when you are having a great day and you’re finally not feeling anxious, they have to make it ALL ABOUT THEM. Seriously! They don’t give a darn didely don doodle damn if you're happy. You know why? Because when they are sad or depressed, everyone MUST feel their pain. Nobody else is allowed to feel good.
Whenever you talk to them, it’s just a cesspool of depression and anxiety. Even when you try to mention your own problems to try to add to the convo or give some insight, they just knock it down. Remember, it’s only ever about them.
Usually with friends, when you are both feeling anxious, you both give eachother your situations and advice to aid eachother in life.
Guess they don’t get the idea of support.
Moving on to yet another big thing that these people will use, which is the whole act of innocence jazz they always try to pull.
Examples being, whenever you ever try to point out or discuss things that they are doing and how they are making you feel, they love, love, love, to pull out the ol’ “pitty card”.
You: you know, you are making me feel really sad when you are saying those things “
Them: “Well..my life isn’t easy y’know. no one ever tries to listen to my problems. i don’t know what i did to deserve this.”
Seems a bit confusing, being that you did always try to comfort them and listen to their non stop problems. But that’s not the worst of it.
Yes, you heard me. Even through your many days of trying, they still don’t stop there.
These people, once they realize that you will never fill that gap (because most of the time they won’t even let you) they will go so far as to start doubting you as a friend.
Yes. Sadly they do. That is just their polite way of telling you that you are useless to them now.
Usually this will happen in way like:
You: “I don’t know what to say anymore. Everything I say won’t help!”
Them: “yeah..because nobody can say anything. nobody cares or even tries to listen to me..”
You: “even me??”
Them: “probably. idk…you’re just like the rest.”
That’s the thanks you get eh? You’re not God, you can’t move mountains, or divide seas. How on earth do they expect you; a person on the internet; to help them with all of their unsolvable life problems. They don’t even know you for gods sake, and yet they expect you to know everything, and to be able to fix their depression.
That’s where things become a problem. A “friend” treating you like you are a bad person; because you can’t help them and can’t always be there for them every single day, because they forget that other people have lives; has the audacity to place you in this category of “bad friends”.
Do they even know what a bad friend is? Im pretty sure these people haven’t even dealt with an actual “bad friend” from they way they’re describing it.
Let me get this. A bad friend is someone who, although aren’t always online, desperately tries to make you feel better by complementing you, giving advice, and listening to all of your depressing crap for about a year (or more), and hardly talks about their life cause you won’t let 'em? Alright. If they stoop that low, the definition is right there in the reflection of their screens, pal. Don’t blame others for your shitty life, ammi right? (wonk, wonk)
Usually, if you keep going down this path of this “friendship” or even if you already have experienced this tragic waste of time, you will know it'll end the same way.
They will eventually get so frustrated with the fact that you aren’t fulfilling their ego or if you have avoided talking to them, that they will blame you for being a horrible friend, say some stupid one liner like “thanks for never being there..”,delete, and block you.
Or if you stand up for yourself, saying that you aren’t a bad friend like they claim you to be, they will ignore all of your valid points, say some stupid one liner again like “never talk to me again”, delete, and block you.
No matter which way you choose, it will always end with you being accused and blocked, leaving you feeling like a horrible human being to ever walk the face of the earth.
So in conclusion, people who are ‘emotional manipulators’, use tactics such as:
If there is someone in your life that does this to you, wither it be online or in real life, please do not let it continue. It is absolutely draining to have these people constantly manipulate you and use their emotions and sensitivity so you can’t say anything back to them.
Please, stick up for yourself. Do not let these people ruin your view on the world, and friendship. There are good friends out there that do care and will actually give you the time of day and not treat you like rubbish, and will not absolutely waste your time. If they have blocked you, or have made you out to be a horrible friend, don’t listen to them. It’s their loss. If they don’t want to have friends, If they want to push people away, that’s their problem. Not yours.
Thanks for reading this! I really hope this helps some people with their friendships. If you know anyone going through this sort of drama, be sure to have them read this! It might change their perspective.
Anyways, have a great one
Remember to respect eachother!!